Question by Jessica Harless: Why is my recent ex boyfriend being so cruel to me ?
hes 32 and im 24 and we dated for about 5 months. we hit it off right away and were instantly lovers and the best of friends. we had fun doing outdoorsy things, and even sitting in watching movies, no matter what we did we were just happy to be together.
I was sexually abused for 8 years by my step-father and raped at the age of 19. He was aware of this after about a month of dating. With him I made more progress than ive ever made before, i came out of my shell, made love for the first time (i wasnt a virgin) but in terms of feeling loved and enjoying it it was the first time. he lives at home with his mom, dad, sister, niece and nephew and they were harsh critics of me. his mom and sister have both done time in prison and i have never been in trouble with the law and im a recent cpllege grad with a degree in nursing. but the family looked down on me as if i thought i was too good for them which i never showed or thought and i tried hard to fit in.
last sunday my boyfriend and i had a blast we spent the day together, had lunch and saw two movies in the theaters just for fun. i slept over and the next morning we were both over tired because we’d stayed out late at the movies and watched some true blood when we go home. he flipped out on me because he was moody and got in my face and i got really anxious. i got my keys and left. i didnt hear from him all day or all night. so i texted him and said “im not going through the silent treatment with you” he replied “this relationship isnt going to work” i called him and he said “my family hates you, its not going to work”
then friday night i was nervous about my nursing state licensure exam so i messaged him. he said not to worry that id do fine and that hed call me when he was done playing video games with his nephew.when he called he was trying to explain that the reason we broke up was because he didnt trust me when we werent together because of me being sexually abused he felt that he had to constantly protect me when we were apart and it caused to much anxiety, he said that the only way the relationship could be fixed is if i was never sexually abused. which made me feel awful.
i was in tears and crying and he said “take a xanax, im exhausted and im going to bed”
its like he went from sweet and loving and one of my best friends to a monster. I had his season 2 DVD set of True Blood which, his bands t-shirt he gave me, A magnet that he gave me for my car on my birthday, and a killswitch engage CD that he gave me and said “these will be all of our song” and his motorcycle helmet. I wrote a heart felt letter to him as well. I put them in a bag with the letter. He works at bertuccis in a mall so i called his work and asked to speak to him politely, the woman said sure no problem, than she came back and said can i take a message he doesnt want to talk. I tucked the bag under his windshield wiper and placed the helmet on the side. I said ” i left some of his things outside on his car, i just dont want them to get stolen” the girl said ok. i parked my car a few spaces back and waited a minute. two girls about my age came outside in their waitress uniforms went right to his car and picked up the bag, went through the stuff and were laughing hysterically. I felt angry and humiliated. He sent these two girls of all people.
He used to have a drug addiction and spent 5 years in jail. I told him in the letter basically that I never judged him for his past, I baked him a cake when he was 18 months sober, I sat in his narcotics anonymous meetings and held his hand, i made love to him, helped him apply to colleges because his dream is to be a bass player, i recorded him playing bass and guitar to make memories of his new life as a sober man doing the things he loved, i bought him books on music theory, i supported him and believed in him every step of the way. I didnt judge him, yet he told me he couldnt be with me because he didnt want to protect someone who had been sexually abused. when i am normal strong woman it didnt make sense.    Read more...